We look at each other across the table as realization sets in. This is it. We’re going to have to say goodbye.
My hiking partner Hummingbird and I are in Hanksville, Utah. I knew from the start that we’d have to say goodbye eventually, as she had to get back to real life way before the end of the trail. But we had hoped we could arrange a ride for her out of Capitol Reef National Park. Now that option had vanished and she was left with only one choice: leaving the trail here and now.
It would be cutting it too close if she didn’t, and she didn’t want to risk getting stuck out there in that isolated section and potentially missing her plane home.
Saying goodbye
I had known this was a possibility, but with my perpetual optimism, I had counted on it all working out in time. Alas, it was not to be.
And now Hummingbird was making a hitching sign, and I suddenly realized I’d be on my own out there for the foreseeable future.
Now it’s one thing to know that eventually you’ll be hiking one of the most challenging trails in the United States all by yourself. Quite another to actually have to head out and do it.
And so, as Hummingbird kicked into gear and got herself a ride out of there, I found myself loitering. Ordering another drink. Making another toilet stop. Calling home one more time. As I ran out of things to do, I finally managed to convince myself it was really time to start moving now.
And so I started hiking to the road to stick out my thumb. Into the great unknown. With some trepidation, absolutely, but also with not a small amount of excitement. This is where I’d finally find out if I had what it takes to hike the Hayduke alone.
Why is the Hayduke different from other thruhikes?
In 2022, I also set out on the PCT all alone. But you’re never really alone on that trail. Even if you’re out hiking alone, you will meet plenty of other hikers along the way. And you can choose to be as social as you’d like there. But out on the Hayduke, you will go days without seeing another living soul.
This is exactly why I chose this trail, after all. Such real solitude is hard to find in Europe, where I’m from. I often joke that the only way to go a day without seeing other people there would be to hide underneath your bed.
I wanted to come out here and experience that solitude. Now I would get what I bargained for.
Would it delight me, or break me? Would I run home crying, or step up to the challenge? Would I actually enjoy it?
I had a hunch that I would. But this hunch needed to be trail-tested.
As I got dropped off at the trail by a friendly lady out on her own adventure, I stepped out of the car into the sweltering afternoon desert heat. As the car sped away and I started walking into the desert, I knew it would be a while before I spoke to anyone other than myself for a while.
Six days, as it would turn out. By the time I finally saw people again, it felt almost startling to see them. I had to get used to it again. And I loved that feeling.
I crossed the Henry mountains and Tarantula Mesa, made my way over to Capitol Reef National Park and retrieved the food and water cache I had left there. Kept going. Had Lower Muley Twist Canyon all to myself. Sat atop the Waterpocket Fold and watched the sun go down over the valley below and Lake Powell in the distance.
And as I sat in that same spot during the sunrise, I watched in awe and isolation. The splendor of that moment unspoiled by other voices, other inputs. I could focus completely on being there. I cried as I watched. And then packed up and kept going. Because that’s what a thruhiker does, in the end. We keep going.
Is it all just fun and games, then?
Absolutely not. Don’t get me wrong, the Hayduke is hard. It’s a difficult trail, that is even harder if you go it alone. I went out there to test myself, and got my wish. I have been terrified and upset, bone tired and dehydrated. I have cried and I have bled on this trail. But I wouldn’t have it any other way! This is what makes the Hayduke the Hayduke, after all.
Want to read more about my Hayduke hike? Find out why there are so many alternate routes on the Hayduke Trail and read about my pre-trip anxiety.
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